Constant game of Catch up

Well ladies and gents let me be the first to say holy hell! what a crazy few months this has been! I must say what a beautiful disaster it has been. Most days I could watch the world burn, using the flames to light my cigarette. Since the very bitter christmas letter I have walked out, screamed bloddy murder, been pushed to the point where violence seemed like the best and only answer to my problems and yet hereĀ I sit, no police record and very little scarring. The months that have passed between when I started this and now have definitely been some for the books. I have taken some steps to try to better the quality of life, with a few set backs. Big ones. I truly can say that it is strange to bottom out and it not because of some form of abuse. I am sure that there are some that would say that what the situation I have found myself could be seen as that. But to me it does not feel that way. Although I do understand that, that’s usually the case. But meh bitches, this is the way the cookie is crumbling this month. I hear you’r eonly given what you can handle and when you learn the lesson, it stops. So we shall see. In the mean time, stay golden

Forever your teacher on how not to live your life
Mz.R.E

Merry Christmas Bitches

Now that Christmas is behind us for the next 11 months I feel as I can post my cynical view on it and not kill anyone’s “Christmas spirit”. Not that I overly give a shit, I still don’t want to be Scrooge.
As it stands I have not for the last 10 years been a huge Christmas fan, I did however look forward to the family get together to see who would fight and hear the latest “guess what the bitch about me” because it was a great reminder why I needed to NOT live at home.

I was brought up in a house where Christmas was a constant contest as to who could out do the other when it came to getting presents and for a family that was by far NOT doing so well financially, this was always a feat and often lead to new piles of debt and poverty in the new year. As a kid in this house my view on it was somewhere along the lines of “Who gives a shit! Show me what you bought me!” So as you can see I was well on my way to being such a great addition to society.
Needless to say that somehow through the years with growing up and growing apart I somehow managed to avoid being a completely materialistic twat and tried to keep Christmas more about family than the stuff you get.

This house I was brought up in did teach me a lesson that I have taken with me, and that was during the Christmas holiday and get together, there was never a need to be drunk. There are a few times in the year when even I feel you shouldn’t be sloshed and Christmas is one of them (actually it is probably the only one). Either way, at Christmas lets put away the booze and make the best of it. It will make a great story for the Shrink and give one that solidarity behind why one is drunk within 48 hours of returning from said family get together.

And this year I found that I missed those huge family get togethers. Mind you it has been a few years since there was one and perhaps a combination of my new found poverty mixed with the huge dose of cabin fever I was experiencing at the time just made me long for any outting. Regardless of the why’s of it all, lets not over think this people, I found myself wishing there was a big family Christmas going on. The fighting, the bitching, the debt. HAHA!

At any rate this whole incredibly depressing holiday led to an even worse interim between Christmas and new years. I found myself going through old journals and pictures, not answering the phone and biting peoples heads off, staying up late watching shit I had TIVO’d the day previous PEOPLE I WORE THE SAME SHIRT FOR A WEEK.
It was brutal and I was well on my way to throwing the pity party of pity parties and I smelled.GROSS!

But thankfully I have 3 people in my life that have no social filter or couthe. They love me and let me stew in my own funk and be bitchy, but they know when its time to say “Get you stinky ass in the shower that stain on your shirt is gravy and we haven’t had gravy in the house for almost a week”. And they may not say it in those words but one of them, the most logical with the least ability to sugar coat things, comes up to me and says “Did you really watch that all day?”, the look on his face pretty much spells that out.

And with that humbling moment I had a revelation(and a shower) and realized “Man, I hate Christmas. Next year I’m getting drunk”

Forever your teacher in how not to live your life,
Mz.R.E

The End of one and The Beginning of Another

Well folks, its Christmas Eve and I can’t say that I am filled with the usual Christmas uletide *insert chosen profanity* euphoria that comes with this time of year.
This year for my family and I was not a great one, it started out pretty damn good, but then seemed to just take a slide into a porcelain pisshole and right on down into the plumbing.
Now lets not jump to any conclusions and assume that I am here to complain on how life has been so hard and I feel so lost and any other fishing for sympathy cliches that you can think of.
I am merely setting the mood for the first part of this wondrous journey through this magically depressing year and embarking on what hopefully turns out to become step up into a slightly better slightly medicated happier new year.
So please join me in the fun as we watch these crazy events unfold and stay with me peeps, watch the bad decisions be made and reaped with maybe some of these “mistakes” end up working out better than anticipated.
Forever your faithful teacher of how NOT to live your life,

Mz.R.E.