Everyday she would get these fleeting flashes of what she believed she was becoming. The sacrificing mother, the one who could’ve done this or been that, an immense amount of … Continue reading Hysterical Blindness
Down the Rabbit Hole
What a goddamn blur self destruction could be. It was and wasn’t as fun as Bella remembered. This time felt more deliberately painful. And so very dark. It had never … Continue reading Down the Rabbit Hole
Big Fires Everywhere
Nothing like a little self sabotage to clear your path. Bella walked into that party with the whole hearted intention to find that one who could help her achieve her … Continue reading Big Fires Everywhere
This wasn’t even the beginning of the end. She had thought it was. It was more like a warning of things yet to come. It wasn’t subtle and therefore Bella … Continue reading Holes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Perhaps it was the confidence boost of the momentary contempt, or the fact that she was just starting to go numb after months of this fucked up situation with Linus. … Continue reading Mutually Assured Destruction
The words meshed together. She felt this overwhelming Deja Vu. Had she wrote them? Or was it that she’d stared at them so much over the years that they were … Continue reading M
Of all the things Bella was losing, she never once thought she would get to the place where she’d never want to kiss Linus.
The list of little things that are slowly stopping was getting longer every day. When he looked at her, it wasn’t with love. There were glimpses of other things,
Sadness, anger…. Longing.
Scarily enough it was no longer punching Bella in the gut. There was a ping in the bottom of her stomach and the rush of sadness over. Though that feeling felt more habitual and carried less weight.
Perhaps Linus had begun to finally see that his grip on her had not only loosened, but left.
Carrying away with it another string in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus
It was the realization that she had actually always been this depressed. That Bella had always been this lost, yet still yield the ability to maintain some level of joy … Continue reading Future Joy
She guessed that somethings would never change. When Bella was feeling low and shitty she would always find herself alone. Even when he was right beside her and could see. … Continue reading Angry Closure
The usual response to these situations were to disappear. Unfortunately Bella had realized that even when she chose to stay that people forgot she was there. How was it that … Continue reading Trash