Ooh I think I found a thing. Reflecting! I have been doing an awful lot of that. And frankly I think I just need to get it out of my system so I can quit dwelling and deal with current events. From summer 2013 to this one, the comparison shows a lot of differences. For instance, I was childless for 10 weeks in 2013 and pretty much let off a decade of steam. Inebriation was a thing and adventures were falling into my lap like crumbs off of pastries. It was for all intents and purposes one of the best summers of my life. Despite that I was actually planning on entering crazy cat lady life when summer was over. It was the best time filled with a lot of shenanigans, like how I woke up in a different town 3 hours before a final exam. THAT I PASSED by the way. Seriously though, the lake and bonfires were my summer. It was the summer you read about as a teen and think ” if that’s real, that couldn’t happen to me” and if it did, you’re pretty sure there were some psychedelic drugs involved there. I had a reunion with an old flame, got some closure. Did a condensed course in English in college and did well and met a plethora of amazingly cool people. Some of which I manage to still talk to. Went everywhere, always had enough of everything and despite how in shambles my life was (by was I mean totally screwed and I don’t know how I wasn’t in my room in the dark crying to Coldplay kind of shambles) I was very content with how things were going. And when at last summer came to a close and everyone returned to their lives, I had no regrets and a optimistic view of my impending catladyhood. It was thing that I was ready to commit to and to be honest cats aren’t really my cup of tea, well neither is tea really, but at this point I really didn’t give a shit. At least I knew what I was getting into with the cat.
At any rate, that didn’t actually pan out. I hate cats. Its a mutual hatred though, they don’t like me either. Probably has to do with the whole one foot in hell, no soul problem. And when I looked back upon the last couple years I also realized that I spend a lot of time in chaos, whether I create it or something else does. I am also a professional self sabotager. Every time I turned around was throwing another chaos grenade or 100% willingly jumping onto someone elses. Never stopping to breathe or react with rationality or thought. For the second time in a row i was finding myself in a situation that I had already lived through and the second round can’t really be blamed on anyone other than myself. No, its not drugs, I am much more creative than that!
Anyways! I’m getting away, REFLECTING yes. I have been doing that lately, I see the pattern the psycho fuck circle I keep going on hoping for a different outcome. I should know that greatness only ever pops up in amidst the chaos in my life. And that is exactly what happened there. What did I do? I RODE THAT SHIT TO THE DEATH!! I don’t recommend it. I ended up in a very similar situation to the beginning of 2013 about late 2014. If there anything learned from that ride on the struggle bus, its that if I can’t find something that I love, don’t do something i despise. And its time to put my big girl pants on do a lot of those things I don’t like doing and to stop making those bad life choices that make me wonder how I lived this long.
And to not forget to do all that of which i love, with people that when i see them, make me feel the same way i feel when i see my favourite food being brought out or hear my favourite song on the radio. Because like i always say. Life’s short, live well.
Perhaps it is time I take my own advice
Forever teaching you how not to live your life
Mz. R. E.