Tag: letters

Letter #6

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Dear Eleane

I suck, I know it. But I’m tired and over it. 

Everybody leaves. As soon as shit gets heavy or I disagree. They just cast me away or leave me behind. And I mean all of them. None of u have loved sparkly clean lives. But there’s never any room for trust or forgiveness. Or strength. And I guess I fall short there too. I’m tired of being alone. Of reaching out and feeling only empty air. 

I know you’re mad at me for this. And I know the rest won’t bat an eye. But I hope they rot. That they feel the weight of their shitty existence. Those regrets that they’ll spout. I hope they choke on them. 

I try not to hold in the bitterness. But it happened and it ate me alive. 

I gave away so many pieces of myself, I forgot to hold onto something good to keep myself together. 

I was a shell going through the motions. Terrified of what was to come. I could no longer see the lighter side or the light at the end of the tunnel. Everywhere I looked it was dark and lonely. I couldn’t breathe anymore. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I hope one day you’ll move on from the anger and remember out good memories. Because there was a lot of them. 

Not enough though maybe. 

You turned out to be so levelheaded and okay. I am glad to see that despite the instability of our youth and family that one of us made it. 

Someone had to. 

Don’t ever change. 

You’re wonderfully perfectly imperfect. 

Love Bella 

Letter #5

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Dear Dreadnaught,

You will probably be the most surprised by this outcome. And probably the most hurt. But I’m glad you never saw me in this state. You’ve always been there no questions. You were always the one who just wanted me where you were. You made me complete in a way I won’t understand until it’s too late. 

You are my favourite memory. You saw my worst self and still loved me. You picked me up when I was down. Stayed with me through my worst day. I love you more than even I can properly explain. 

I fucked up that night. I regret it. I could see it in your eyes. I hurt you. I am so very sorry in a way I will never be able to let go. 

And even after that you saved me that dark snowy night I fell apart and you never asked any whys or for reimbursement. 

You were right there in front of me and I let you slip away. 

My biggest mistake and regret is never telling you that I love you. 

More than anyone I’ve ever known. 

You are a spectacular human being and I will miss you most. 

You are magnificent

Love Bella 

Letter #4

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Dear Honey,

I wish I had more than a letter to tell you, to show you I appreciate you. Our friendship feels very uneven. You give a lot and never ask for anything in return other than an organized shelf every once in a while. 

You’re such a happy, positive person that it took me a couple years to stop wondering why you were my friend.

You’ve always been there when I needed you. Your honesty is refreshing and your open, optimistic  soul is a breathe of fresh air. 

I hope wherever you go, whatever you do, good things follow. You really have your shit together. 

I wanted to be you when I grew up. 

You have a beautiful family and I am supper appreciative that you let me into it. 

Our whole friendship story is hilarious and brings a smile to my face. 

I really do wish I could do more than continually say thank you. But right it’s all I can do. 

Stay golden, you’re one of a kind. 

Love Bella 

Letter #3

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Dear brother,

Thanks for putting up with my for so long. Listening to my crazy all the time. Means a lot. 

Never have I met anyone like you. I think that’s a good thing. Haha!

I don’t have much to say. I know you’ll be okay. I know you’ll be mad at me for a long time. And sad. 

I guess make sure Linus will be too. I think he will be, but he seems to need you. 

You’re his person. 

Stay golden 

Love,

Trouble 

Letter #1

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Bella wrote, 

Dear 17 year old me,

Where do I begin? 

Right now you are 17 and working at the gas station secretly harbouring feelings for that guy. 

I do have to commend you for realizing how precious your teen years are. Not many do and you cherish them and have been living it up. Your awareness of how soon it will be over has really helped you appreciate the freedom you have in this moment that much more. 

I’m pretty sure at this moment no one has said this to you. YOU ARE AWESOME. And that face you stare at in the mirror gets better with age. Actually it doesn’t even really change much. You age beautifully lady. 

Remember to love yourself now. You’re hot! And intelligent! Don’t sweat quitting school either. You’re going to find out eventually that although you are great at it, you truly hate school. 

Be more aware and thoughtful of the good things you have. Like Emi. Right at this moment she’s pretty goddamn adorable and before you know it, it will be gone and life will jade that and make her more like you than you ever wanted. 

By now people have already failed you, let you down and you’ve lost uncle Binne. 

I’m going to warn you, unfortunately more people are going to fail you and let you down. Right now at this moment despite what you may believe, you are completely responsible for heavy happens to you.

Everything. 

If you ever want to get out of town, be free. 

That anonymity you like, it’s real and it’s absolutely lovely. Your best friends will always be your best friends but you’re all going to end up in different places.  

That feeling like you don’t quite belong? Yeah, get used to it. It never goes away. It really isn’t a bad thing. It is a part of who you are and who you’ll become. 

By the way, you never stop searching for where you belong. And that’s not a bad thing either. 

That love you wonder about. He’s out there and he loves you as much as you love him. But he comes much later. And even still after him you find your other half and he makes you feel peaceful and complete and you will never love another the way you love him and he loves you. And you will give him up. But that’s a story for another day. Just know, you were content. Even for a moment. The guy you meet in a few months is NOT that guy. But he does give you a couple gems you’ll hold knot forever. 

Never settle. Your standards aren’t too high.  

Tha lying shit you do to get stuff out of your mother. Stop it now! I know at the moment you only use it on her, but eventually it bleeds out into other parts of your life and people get hurt and you feel so low. It’s not worth it. And no matter how nice she gets, never let yourself trust or depend on your mother. She will betray you and let you down in the worst ways. 

Anyways, the person you are now, I love that person. You’re intelligent and can figure people out pretty quick. You sit back and listen and observe. Never stop doing that. 

You’re magnificent human being. Don’t let that be compromised. You’ll always regret that. 

Just do what feels right. 

Bella