Tag: My Life

Oh Holidays, holidays, HOLIDAYS!!!

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I took a quick look back at this blog I had thought was dead (mostly because I couldn’t figure out how to use it on an iPad -you can stop smirking now- and briefly looked back at previous, very old blogs I had posted. And wow, soooo bitter and kinda funny. And now that I have tooted my own horn and can move on with my day I wanted to touch on Christmas. Honestly, we’re about a little passed half ways between it and for anyone, by which I mean everyone, who hadn’t read my previous post; I had written about a rather dismal one just over ago where I had promised to get drunk at the next one. I also complained about wanting a big one again.
Well let me tell you, I did both of those things and it was AWESOME. But because I’m not seventeen and I am sure no one wants to hear about drunken Christmas, I’m gonna get behind the reasons as to how it unfolded. Being a year later and having improved my quality of life somewhat I wanted to make up to my kids for the not so great previous one and for once relax about a holiday that can be tear inducing sometimes. this is not the booze part by the way,that comes later
My children love this family togetherness. I personally am not a huge fan honestly, if you’ve watched Springer, you have seen the potential for most of my family. Haha! oh if I couldn’t laugh at myself….
That being said, I figured why not invite my parents to this Christmas. We’ve all had a rough year and I thought my dad shouldn’t be alone, the kids wanted to spend time with their grandparents and the whole idea makes a person put more effort into the whole thing. The only downside…. My mother would be there. Now don’t get sensitive about moms here. I am well aware that most mothers are freaking awesome individuals and lots of people love and adore their moms. That’s great, the way it should be. Just not how I feel about my own. We have a lot of bad blood and no it’s just from me being an asshole teenager. My father is great.
This is where the drinking comes in
Now preemptively I had booze ready. I had invited a friend over for Christmas Because other wise she would be alone and my boyfriend, which at this time was still a new relationship. As in no one had dropped an L-bomb new, because I had invited my friend and apparently it would have been in bad taste to invite her and not even mention it to him. I don’t know, I never really dated. This was news to me!
At any rate I also prepared myself for the nightmare that spending A LOT of time with my mother in close quarters would entail. And the fact that these people I hold dear would meet my father, with whom it’s important he at least can tolerate the people I like, and my mother to whom can scare away the people of whom I like.

CURRENTLY:

Like a previous post I made earlier, this is rather old, that Christmas was in 2013 and its not half way through 2015. I know where I was going with this, I was going to rant about my mother, say caring things about my father and reflect on the patience of one of my bes friends and my boyfriend at the time. Not now.

From then until now many, many things have happened. I am no longer the boyfriend from this story, and my very good friend has had a lot of crap thrown her way and is in a very different place. I myself have seen much change. And most importantly, my mother passed away earlier this year. And as much I have somethings I wish to say about her, they shouldn’t be the drunken, bitter feelings I had on this occasion.

For the most part this was a great day for myself, my children and everyone else who was there. And I think it should be remembered that way. Despite the all of it and how it all turned out today, that was one of the best days of my life. I’m going to leave on here as such

Forever teaching you how not to live your life.

Mz. R. E.

759

A Lifetime Of Strangeness

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Ooh I think I found a thing. Reflecting! I have been doing an awful lot of that. And frankly I think I just need to get it out of my system so I can quit dwelling and deal with current events. From summer 2013 to this one, the comparison shows a lot of differences. For instance, I was childless for 10 weeks in 2013 and pretty much let off a decade of steam. Inebriation was a thing and adventures were falling into my lap like crumbs off of pastries. It was for all intents and purposes one of the best summers of my life. Despite that I was actually planning on entering crazy cat lady life when summer was over.  It was the best time filled with a lot of shenanigans, like how I woke up in a different town 3 hours before a final exam. THAT I PASSED by the way. Seriously though, the lake and bonfires were my summer. It was the summer you read about as a teen and think ” if that’s real, that couldn’t happen to me” and if it did, you’re pretty sure there were some psychedelic drugs involved there. I had a reunion with an old flame, got some closure. Did a condensed course in English in college and did well and met a plethora of amazingly cool people. Some of which I manage to still talk to. Went everywhere, always had enough of everything and despite how in shambles my life was (by was I mean totally screwed and I don’t know how I wasn’t in my room in the dark crying to Coldplay kind of shambles) I was very content with how things were going. And when at last summer came to a close and everyone returned to their lives, I had no regrets and a optimistic view of my impending catladyhood. It was thing that I was ready to commit to and to be honest cats aren’t really my cup of tea, well neither is tea really, but at this point I really didn’t give a shit. At least I knew what I was getting into with the cat.

At any rate, that didn’t actually pan out. I hate cats. Its a mutual hatred though, they don’t like me either. Probably has to do with the whole one foot in hell, no soul problem. And when I looked back upon the last couple years I also realized that I spend a lot of time in chaos, whether I create it or something else does. I am also a professional self sabotager. Every time I turned around was throwing another chaos grenade or 100% willingly jumping onto someone elses. Never stopping to breathe or react with rationality or thought. For the second time in a row i was finding myself in a situation that I had already lived through and the second round can’t really be blamed on anyone other than myself. No, its not drugs, I am much more creative than that!

Anyways! I’m getting away, REFLECTING yes. I have been doing that lately, I see the pattern the psycho fuck circle I keep going on hoping for a different outcome. I should know that greatness only ever pops up in amidst the chaos in my life. And that is exactly what happened there. What did I do? I RODE THAT SHIT TO THE DEATH!! I don’t recommend it. I ended up in a very similar situation to the beginning of 2013 about late 2014. If there anything learned from that ride on the struggle bus, its that if I can’t find something that I love, don’t do something i despise. And its time to put my big girl pants on do a lot of those things I don’t like doing and to stop making those bad life choices that make me wonder how I lived this long.

And to not forget to do all that of which i love, with people that when i see them, make me feel the same way i feel when i see my favourite food being brought out or hear my favourite song on the radio. Because like i always say. Life’s short, live well.

Perhaps it is time I take my own advice

Forever teaching you how not to live your life

Mz. R. E.

163

Reflection of a clusterf¡ck

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So it can be said that it is probably best to write about certain things. Sometimes letting the situation play out is the best way to be able to go back and tell your story. This way one isn’t clouded by the insanity inducing emotions of the time. And let me tell you, Madame Insanity was a common house guest in my world for the better part of 2013. That year to be clear was a complete and utter nightmare. I should have killed someone, god knows I came close. Buuuut rationality showed up just in time to keep this cutie patootie out of the Pen. As previously mentioned, this year was a bust. Everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was single, unemployed, damn near homeless and chubby as fuck by January 25th. Not to mention I still had to chase after three lovely but terrifying little people and deal with an idiot drunk, whilst maintaining at least the appearance of someone who though may not have her shit together did in fact know what was going on (for the record, I had no Fucken clue. Literally winging it the WHOLE time). But like poodle would continually tell me; things did actually improve over time. Weeeeeell sort of. I got rid of the drunk and the chub and let me tell you, quality of life improved drastically. It has been almost a year since I started this particular post and much of my life has turned around. It has been made very clear that things can not only get better, but all the things I used to think couldn’t or wouldn’t happen for me, can. I have wonderful people around me

The above was written about a year ago, a year or so after what was one of the shittiest years to date for the shambley chaos that I call my existence. And even though that went out on a optimistic note, well haha let me tell you. I most definitely spoke too soon. 2013 was a shitty but great year and 2014 was a great but shit year as well. I was once again mostly unemployed, getting chubby and on the outs with my at that time boyfriend whilst having to chase around 3 lovely but terrifying bigger little people and none of us were in a happy place. And even in the worst moment of that year I was hopefully romantically holding on to the notion that things would get better if we just stuck together when every day I was being left farther and farther behind by the one i loved so very dearly. So it should come as no surprise when I say things DID NOT improve. AT ALL. Even a little. 2015 reared its ugly head with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Its now June of 2015 and yes two years has passed since I started this particular installment on the fun times to be had when you’re me. But I would no longer call it a reflection. More like an acceptance. An acceptance that honestly life is life and sometimes mine will be a clusterfuck. That wasn’t the first time and I am almost positive that it won’t be the last. So stay tuned folks, things will only get bitterly more hilarious and entertaining as I ride that struggle bus.

Forever teaching you how not to live your life

Mz. R. E.

The End of one and The Beginning of Another

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Well folks, its Christmas Eve and I can’t say that I am filled with the usual Christmas uletide *insert chosen profanity* euphoria that comes with this time of year.
This year for my family and I was not a great one, it started out pretty damn good, but then seemed to just take a slide into a porcelain pisshole and right on down into the plumbing.
Now lets not jump to any conclusions and assume that I am here to complain on how life has been so hard and I feel so lost and any other fishing for sympathy cliches that you can think of.
I am merely setting the mood for the first part of this wondrous journey through this magically depressing year and embarking on what hopefully turns out to become step up into a slightly better slightly medicated happier new year.
So please join me in the fun as we watch these crazy events unfold and stay with me peeps, watch the bad decisions be made and reaped with maybe some of these “mistakes” end up working out better than anticipated.
Forever your faithful teacher of how NOT to live your life,

Mz.R.E.