It was the need for him to acknowledge her. To look at her, address her. Anything. She clawed for that Maybe. “maybe” he would look at her and she would … Continue reading Maybe
It was a gray day. The kind that just killed the spirit after a long ass winter. And it had been a long ass winter Bella had thought to herself. … Continue reading No Love No Help
How the fuck was this real? How was it not? Bella could not imagine life being any other way. She had spent so much time living this way and watching … Continue reading Universal Lessons
She just felt so fucking unheard. As the old saying goes “her words fell on deaf ears”. It was as though she was screaming under water. The depths were thick … Continue reading Dark Waters and Endless Fires
It wasn’t that she didn’t clean, it wasn’t that she couldn’t clean. Normally she had a pristine and tidy home. Those feelings though… She knew what they were, even if … Continue reading The Wall
He pops in and out, random moments when she least expects. almost like the memory of a deceased loved one. He’s not dead though, just gone. he can be seen … Continue reading All Smoke, No Mirrors
It was probably the most fun that Bella had had in a very long time. Standing in that shitty dank basement club listening to a punk band she would never … Continue reading Love and Punk Rock
One day long ago she watched her heart walk away under a trilby hat.
Bella didn’t know that when he walked away. She didn’t know that was the last hug, the last kiss, the Last picture to be taken.
The last laugh.
The last time she would hear his voice.
Somedays she was not sure who left who. Those are the happier days. On the days where the sun hides behind the clouds, or near certain dates she felt more she left him. Bella ghosted away and hoped that the feeling would fade and with time the memory would become more of just that. A memory, dulled with time.
It still feels new, she can remember it like it happened last week. It’s always fresh and too new and every time if she dare to seek it, she can find where there is a spot empty in her soul. The piece that she gave Mr Trilby, the toymaker, that he kept.
It’s a different kind of empty. Bella knows she will never be whole and nothing will ever fill that space. She may well be forever incomplete.
And also, with him taken, another string in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus