How the fuck was this real? How was it not? Bella could not imagine life being any other way. She had spent so much time living this way and watching everyone else she was starting to think that she would always be on the outside looking in. Maybe that kind of life was not meant for her. But why wasn’t it?
What made everyone else so fucking special? The universe was playing some kind of cruel joke on her and maybe if she figured out the punchline, it would cut her some slack.
That was a lie, Bella knew it. This was no joke, this was her life and it was absolute fucking garbage. She had done this journey at least once before, only this round was worse. They always were if she didn’t listen to what the universe was telling her. All this was, was the cosmic fallout of this last time that she ignored what the universe was telling her.
That was what she told herself so she could feel a little better in the midst of this particular shit storm that she found herself in.
There was a pattern there though, if Bella stopped the noise and paid attention. She had been here before, sure some of the faces were different. New names, new location. But the important parts, the lesson, the actions. They were all the same. SSDD in its finest. Hidden behind the guise of a new home and a new life adventure.
But it was all the same and even though she could see the forest for the trees, hear the universe yelling at her to “just fucking get it together and do what you know you should be doing”, Bella just could not fucking figure out how. Mainly because she still couldn’t let go.
She did however let go of the another string in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus.