It wasn’t that she didn’t clean, it wasn’t that she couldn’t clean. Normally she had a pristine and tidy home. Those feelings though…
She knew what they were, even if she could not say them out loud to explain. Gods knew she wanted to. But that fucking wall. She COULD have a pristine home right now. So many things logical and illogical stood in her way
It was his house and she had a hard time doing things that benefitted him these days.
The fact that having a pristine house right now would mean losing precious sleep to achieve that level and maintaining it. She needed that sleep to help regulate her the best it could.
Mostly, it was that godforsaken wall. Made of despair and self doubt. Fit with all the mouths whispering the bitter truths of her short comings, her failures. Whispering of the things she could never be… never aspire to.
That wall built on sorrow and desperation, decorated with may mouths. All hers. That wall had seemingly grown during this particular time in her life.
It had never seemed so big and Bella had never felt so small
With daunting realness, another string melted away in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus