Dearest Blackfoot

I’m writing this because I miss you. Because I need you to know no matter where we are in the world, together or apart, we’re under the same sky looking at the same stars. That together or apart you have always been, are now, and will forever be more important to me than I could ever properly articulate.

Our lives are definitely not what I thought they would be. Well not yours anyways. I never worried about you because you were always ok. It seemed as though someone was always there to take care of you and make sure you were ok. I didn’t know people were leaving you behind. I know what that’s like and if I had been paying better attention I never would’ve let you be.

You don’t deserve what you have been handed lately. People make mistakes and people fall down in life. You shouldn’t have to pick yourself up by yourself when you have people. When you have me. I may be disappointed and I may worry. I’m sure you’ve felt the same about me through some of my shittier life choices. No one is perfect and I don’t expect you to be. And you shouldn’t expect you to be.

I know what that hole you’re in is like. It’s a disgusting, bitter self loathing and it’s scary and makes one feel sad and deep down tired. The kind of tired sleep can’t fix because it’s your soul that’s tired and the world feels so heavy that somedays its unbearable.

I’m thinking of you always. Believing in you.  Knowing you’re strong and capable and intelligent and you know what you’re doing and you know what you have to do to make it right. And you know that it’s not going to be easy but I will be here for the hard parts.

No matter how many times you fall I will be there to pick you up. Brush you off. Tell you to get your Fucken shit together. Get r done already asshole. Then tell you I love you you can do this.

Despite me saying for all the reasons for me why you’re great. You need to put you first. Think of you like I do. Everything you do and every choice should be made with you at the basis for that choice. It should be because you feel and know with confidence and conviction that it’s what you need and that you are worth it and needed and happy. If for now you can’t or need help getting to this mindset, I will be here. I will be the creep on your shoulder whispering this shit in your ear when you need to hear it.  To the ends of the Earth.

You’re my happiest memory

I believe in you.

From here to eternity

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