Bella watched the world around her continue to grow and get on just fine despite this fuckery that was her life currently. How… no why did she continue to put … Continue reading Do not Disturb
“How the fuck did I end up here again?” Bella thought to herself. She was sitting on Nose’s couch, cried out and exhausted. He had left her stranded in one … Continue reading Full Circle
He said he was going to look for a job. It was later than usual, but not too late to cause her any real concern. Isn’t that always the way. … Continue reading Merry New Year
How the fuck was this real? How was it not? Bella could not imagine life being any other way. She had spent so much time living this way and watching … Continue reading Universal Lessons
It wasn’t that she didn’t clean, it wasn’t that she couldn’t clean. Normally she had a pristine and tidy home. Those feelings though… She knew what they were, even if … Continue reading The Wall
She sat there listing all the ways she could validate her feelings. Nose had even confirmed that Bella was right to feel that way. So why did she think maybe … Continue reading Lights Lit with Gasoline
Here she ended this last decade where it began. Lost, alone, feeling like she had wasted precious time she would never get back. On something that never really wanted to … Continue reading Cracks
It was probably the most fun that Bella had had in a very long time. Standing in that shitty dank basement club listening to a punk band she would never … Continue reading Love and Punk Rock
She carried The Suicide book with her everywhere. That little purple burden. It was both heavy and light. The place where the darkest and saddest parts of her rested. Bella … Continue reading 21 Days Til the Sun Died
One day long ago she watched her heart walk away under a trilby hat.
Bella didn’t know that when he walked away. She didn’t know that was the last hug, the last kiss, the Last picture to be taken.
The last laugh.
The last time she would hear his voice.
Somedays she was not sure who left who. Those are the happier days. On the days where the sun hides behind the clouds, or near certain dates she felt more she left him. Bella ghosted away and hoped that the feeling would fade and with time the memory would become more of just that. A memory, dulled with time.
It still feels new, she can remember it like it happened last week. It’s always fresh and too new and every time if she dare to seek it, she can find where there is a spot empty in her soul. The piece that she gave Mr Trilby, the toymaker, that he kept.
It’s a different kind of empty. Bella knows she will never be whole and nothing will ever fill that space. She may well be forever incomplete.
And also, with him taken, another string in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus