Dang Good Date

It had been a long time since Bella had gone on a date and she didn’t know what to expect.

When the toymaker picked her up they made idle chit chat all the way to the restaurant.

He let her choose. She showed him one of her favorite spots. Best pho you could find around.

They shut that place down. Best conversation of her life. Bella had never laughed so freely and from the belly like that in her life.

He was kind and funny. Witty line Bella and appreciated her dark humour. His lips were soft and his eyes for only her. Bella didn’t realize it yet but there was a calm settling in her soul that would make life feel easy for a change.

His voice was smooth and clear and lively, just like his eyes. It was something Bella didn’t even know she’d been looking for.

They complimented each other in the best of ways.

When they kissed that night, for a brief moment the world stopped and all sound ceased.

It was magnificent.

With that kiss another string disintegrated in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus.

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Letter #5

Dear Dreadnaught,

You will probably be the most surprised by this outcome. And probably the most hurt. But I’m glad you never saw me in this state. You’ve always been there no questions. You were always the one who just wanted me where you were. You made me complete in a way I won’t understand until it’s too late. 

You are my favourite memory. You saw my worst self and still loved me. You picked me up when I was down. Stayed with me through my worst day. I love you more than even I can properly explain. 

I fucked up that night. I regret it. I could see it in your eyes. I hurt you. I am so very sorry in a way I will never be able to let go. 

And even after that you saved me that dark snowy night I fell apart and you never asked any whys or for reimbursement. 

You were right there in front of me and I let you slip away. 

My biggest mistake and regret is never telling you that I love you. 

More than anyone I’ve ever known. 

You are a spectacular human being and I will miss you most. 

You are magnificent

Love Bella 

30 Days Til the Sun died

Slowly over time she noticed him removing things that got mixed in with hers. Everyday day Linus shared less and less until she didn’t even know where he was going or what was going on in his life outside the house. 

Linus became cold and seemed to be forcing even the simplest civility when talking with her. On a good day if she was lucky he would hug her like he hugged his friends. 

He didn’t look at her like he used to. In fact he barely looked in her direction. When he did touch Bella, it lacked compassion.  

He didn’t listen to her and when they were alone he didn’t talk to her. He would just fade out and sleep. 

Bella began to dread these moments. Being at home was almost unbearable and she loathed when work was over. 

She looked down at her coffee table at the purple book. That book. 

The Suicide Book. 

She thought to herself “I need to remember to write those letters”. She picked up the book and pen and sat in a quiet corner of their house and began writing. 

And with each letter, each word another string fell away in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus 

The Final Beginning 

She sat on it. She knew what she wanted, but she knew what he needed. He was such a nice boy and she had no delusions of grandeur she just wanted to make sure he would be ok. And she knew how she could save him. 

She just didn’t know if she should. Bella had waited so long to find what she was looking for, to have something so precious in her hands. Her heart ached at the thought of losing it. Him. 

But it was the only way. 

Bella pondered and lost sleep and played out every angle and path. Anything to reason why this one time she should be truly selfish. But how would Pip survive if she did? He wouldn’t. 

So she let go of that too, let her heart walk away under a trilby hat. 

That night alone in her living room she toasted quietly to herself “To the final beginning”. 

And with it snapped another thread in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus

Sad Ambiguity

It didn’t feel good, didn’t feel bad, but it felt right. Bella and Linus and been sitting on this for so long. Each person going back and forth with their emotions. Never quite getting to the same page at the same time. It was as though they played tug of war, the other one puling their companion back as they tried to flee. Only on this last final round when it was Bella’s turn to pull Linus, she let him go. And in this where Linus always tried to so hard to get away, he halted his steps and turned around. He saw Bella standing there, face expressionless but there was a sadness in her eyes. For he all he knew though, it was the just a reflection of what shone from his. It was the last and final string and much surprise to both parties, it was Bella who let it go. She did not cut it or toss it carelessly, but simply and knowingly let it go.

It was nearing the last of the strings to be cut in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus

 

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Sometimes People Need You More Than You Need People

“I didn’t always feel this way, at least I didn’t want to acknowledge it” Bella thought to herself. But lately it would seem as more time was behind her she began to see the wisdom in her youth. Those little tinges and feelings she had always got from her gut that were foreshadowing the future she had always believed was supposed to be a mystery.

As time went on, she found more coincidences in the things she had felt in her younger years. How she had never known what she wanted to do when she grew up (and still did not know), how no matter what wondrous love she would find, there was always that bit of darkness that told her that one was not meant to stay. She HAD felt that when things did finally slow down she would never be destined for the beautiful perfection of “The One”. Which was one of the reasons she always went her own way, always looking for the better situation and being almost completely incapable of making a life decision. She thought if she was meant for something mediocre and calm that she should burn her way as long as she could.

That was of course she never could imagine a reason good enough to make her do what she thought was settling.

Bella had always been great at reading people and situations. Never did she think that the skill that had got her successfully through her journeys be the reason for what would turn out to not be settling or mediocre, and still be the very thing she had feared would happen anyway.

 

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When the Reality sets In

It wasn’t the moment he realized it had been two weeks since she had so much as asked him to pass her the salt, or when he noticed the bathroom door had started to shut and his laundry pile didn’t seem to get any smaller. It wasn’t when she would ask Nose for a favour even when he was sitting right there and more than capable. It wasn’t even little things that he had never noticed until they were gone, like the sound of her laughter when he would tell a bad joke, or the way she had always looked intrigued when he was talking of something he liked even when he knew she didn’t much care for it.

It wasn’t when he walked into the living room and heard her laughing even when he realized he had not heard that sound in a very long time and it hurt is heart that he wasn’t the one making her laugh.

It was when he looked at her one day and noticed something different about her, it took him a minute to realize it but when it hit him, it hurt. The chain and ring she always wore around her neck was gone. Her chain she loved that she had put his ring on. The one she didn’t take off for anything. Had not gone without for years. It was gone.

And so another string came undone in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus

ringonastring

Little Things

It was those little things she noticed but didn’t. How when he did laundry, only his clothes got washed. How when he thought she wasn’t listening he would grumble and complain if something of his got moved a little to the left to make room for something of hers. That first night when the went to sleep, he didn’t even bother to hold her for even a quick embrace. How with each passing day, he smiled at her less and noticed her even less until one day Bella was pretty certain he had forgotten she was there. It even got to the point where she would hear him come home and when she went to see, he had already gone to see Nose. She wasn’t even worth the greeting. Everyday he got farther and farther away. Gave no hint what had happened to make this so. Bella spent all her time in a low place wondering what had happened. They were fine she had thought. No fights, and then one day Linus had just stopped talking to her. Ceased all communication.

One afternoon she sat with Nose and he asked her where Linus had gone off to and Bella sat stunned as she couldn’t answer. She could not for the life of her remember the last time she knew what was going on with Linus. That was the first string to break in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus

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Linus

And just when Bella was gearing up for this next adventure, in walked this pony-tailed, clever and smirking handsome man named Linus
He rocked her world. He was this wonderful shining light that broke through the thick dark barrier she had protectively surrounded herself with. After what was the most absolute fucking horrible and the most gloriously exhilarating summer of her life, Linus was this breathe of fresh air. The first person she had met in my many years on this planet who when meeting her amidst all her baggage and chaos, only seemed to find it endearing. He wasn’t put off by it. He was actually much to her surprise seemed on her side. Supportive and chipper and for some insane reason he found her adorable.

When he called her beautiful she believed it without question. He was understanding of all the mayhem that followed Bella and joined her at the lead without hesitation. With a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts he slowly helped her climb from chaos to a better view of what she had. The way the corners of his eyes would crinkle when he smiled, Bella couldn’t help but smile back. The way he would catch her eye from across the room. Something Bella thought would only happen in the movies.

Linus was one of the biggest sources of her happiness. She would never admit, but he knew and she knew. And that was where the first step towards the disentanglement of Bella and Linus.

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The Boundary

Bella wasn’t the adventurous type. At least not when it came to people. Bella always preferred her adventures solo. But every once in a while her good friend Honey could convince her to step out. It had been a while since Bella and Honey had taken any venture and so Bella conceded and joined Honey in her shenanigans.

On this night they decided to travel to the Boundary. The Boundary was often filled with a cache of different folks and its smell reflected that. Despite the stink the two ladies knew they could count on some fun. They arrived a little later than usual and the Boundary was already packed with mostly unfamiliar faces. Bella took a seat near the back and Honey went and did what she did best. And soon enough Honey returned to their spot with the good sailor and the Toymaker. The drinks and laughs began to flow and Bella found herself enjoying the company of the Toymaker.

When they left, the Toymaker walked Bella home and with more than kind eyes they promised to see each other again. And so one more string unties in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus

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