The worst about thing being this far down the rabbit hole of depression for Bella was the fact that she was more likely to daydream on the things she believed were unattainable and drift to the past and dwell on the things that she cannot change.
That was her M.O. lately was to dwell on HER. She was an ongoing and past problem that Bella couldn’t figure out how to truly solve. She had plenty of bandaid solutions that would work for a short time, but SHE always managed to weasel her way back in.
Mainly though, as Bella sat stuck in her sea of doubt and constant darkness that depression could be on its worst days, she was stuck in the loop of how SHE had helped her get here. Bella would run the scenario over and over. Compare and contrast the mistake she had made and the choices SHE had made and how they had both contributed this mess. But only Bella had to live with the consequences.
That always filled Bella with rage. Not only because of this situation, but because this wasn’t even the first time it had happened. It wasn’t even the second or third. For the love of everything holy, why the fuck did she keep LETTING her.
Well, because SHE was her mother. Are you not supposed to love and keep your mom?
Another string disintegrated in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus