This wasn’t even the beginning of the end. She had thought it was. It was more like a warning of things yet to come. It wasn’t subtle and therefore Bella should have realized this.

But isn’t that always the way? She was in thick of it and all she could see was what she wanted but could not have

Bella was stuck in the loop of perpetuality. So in her head that she was going to get lost in it if she didn’t do something to pull herself back to reality soon.

It was deeper this time than it had ever been. There was no certainty in when or if she would be able to climb out of this dark space. Dark days had turned into months with no reprieve or light in sight.

The destruction she had been causing for herself just added to the weight of what she was already dealing with. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept properly.

Or thought clearly.

She was stuck in this cycle of regret and shame and sadness. Every time just when she thought she could break free, she would find herself back at the bar. The only solution seemed to be found in a bottle of murky liquid. The murkier it got, the better.

She was trying to fix a flood with a dollor store band aid. Over and over, no matter how many bandaid she applied, they’d blown away as new holes appeared.

She was drowning, grasping at breaking strings in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus