It finally hit hwe what that was.
It was a feeling.
A feeling so familiar, she had lived with it for years and probably over looked the obvious because she honestly thought my days of feeling that way were done. That they had died with Her.
Harsh contempt and raging resentment.
It’s for Linus. The kind way he had looked at her. The interest he took in her life and what she had to say.
Today Bella realized that she held him with the contempt and extreme level of bittersweet confusing resentment as her mother.
Fuck she hated Linus
she figured out that he had broke her. Started a tear that would be hard to fix
And then she went ahead and just finished the job.
Linus kept the cat and resumed the life he had once had like everything is fine. Bella picked up the pieces of hers and packed them away.
She hadn’t been whole since.
And Bella have realized she could never fully forgive him for it.
Bella thought she would will always love Linus instead, she’ll pity him.
She felt that Linus will never deserve happiness yet she will wish him to have contentment.
She will care to never care. Kind but bitter. Caring yet crass. Linus will never see her kindness but Bella will never be completely cruel.
He will be lost in her message. Unsure and second guessing. Linus will resent Bella. But need her. Love her, but his head will tell him otherwise.
Bella will forever leave him in gray to figure out the puzzle with the missing piece. Proper torture for his delusion.
Punishment fitting for the weak.
Their purgatory, that Linus chose, of which he voluntary submit.
Bella angrily snipped away one of the last strings in the disentanglement of Bella and Linus